Come Sweet Death One Last Caress's blog: "Life Sux.........."

OK well if you ever wonder when you read these why I am just so sad all the time well I'm not. I'm not good with my emotions and sometimes typing them is the only way I can get them out. If I just let it built up It just gets ugly when I'm pissed off. I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I don't know why but I just miss him so much. I've delt with his death alot better then my brother but it just gets so hard sometimes to hold the tears back. He died July 4th 2005. Just about 3 weeks before my birthday. He never got to meet Nichaols and whenever some says that hes looking down and how much he'd love Nicholas I can't fight the tears back. What pisses me off is the day he died my Uncle and Grandpa came to get my brother and I. All they told us was our dad wasnt doing good when they knew damn well he had already died. We spent that whole fucking car ride to that hospital thinking we were going to see him. As soon as we got there they stuck us in a damn waiting room and told us he had died at 10am. I don't think I've ever cried so much before in my life. I try not to show that it bothers me but somedays I just wish he was here. When I go out sometimes and come home I always gotta look for him in his chair cuz I always think that's where he is gonna be. I'm close to my mom but I've never been able to talk to her like I could my dad and now I just don't feel like I can talk with anyone.....

OK PEOPLE ES ALL OF YOU LOOK AT ME DAMIT! ~Sings~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PJ!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! Happy Birthday Babe!! Told Ya I Type It To You! ~smacks your ass~

I feel lonely tonight for some reason. I hate that feeling. I dunno whats up. I don't really feel good either. I was laying down but all I do is toss and turn. I have such a massive headache all of a sudden. Stephen skipped out on seeing Nicholas for the thrid week in a row. Yeah I know big surprise huh? Atleast I know I'll be the best damn parent that boy will ever have. My title best fits my mood for right now. I wish I didn't have fuckin' school. Id so be outta this shit hole then. Life goes on and so will I....I WANT SOME GUMMY BEARS!!!! LoL At least one person I was talkin to tonight made me happy lol I wonder if he knows who he is....(not that the rest of you dont but you understand)

Well let's see Hmmm. Stephen is a douche Bag. Well now that's out of the way. The weekend was alright. It was my baby cousins bday today. Well she turned 8 so I guess she's not a baby anymore. I am in just an awesome mood right now for some reason. I want something to snack on I just don't feel like walking downstairs to get it. LoL I know I'm a lazy ass. I needa go to a good ass concert. To bad I have no one to go with. ~pouts~ Well sometime this week my bitch ass cousin Emily and I are gonna go see Jackass 2. I hope her BF won't be a dick about it or she'll back out. I start work in a week. I'm so excited! ~happy dances~ Well I'm done writing for now but if any of you would like to bring me a diet pepsi It'd really make me happy!

Well Today is so much a better day. I'm sitting here rockin' out to some old Metallica (If You Couldn't Tell) Class was great, Nichaols is in a good modd, and even better yet I might have a job! It won't be a lot of money but hey it's money none the less. I'm so excited! I want it to be xmas break already. I miss my Hezzy and I know NY is just gonna be awesome while I'm there *winks* HAHA I noticed I have road rage like really bad. I'm always yellin at someone whem I'm driving if not flippin' the bird. LoL No Not me i'd never do that! I'm so sweet and innocent. (falls to the floor laughing) Well I must be going now Nick's tired of his jump-a-roo. Why do babies have the neatest toys?? ~shakes butt~ LoL Later

If ya'll are tired of this then I guess dont read it. Guys are really starting to get to me I guess. I dunno. I found one I like but I know nothing will ever become of it. Things always just keep popping up. I just get my hopes up way to easy. I was good enough at first now it seems I'm not. I don't knwo maybe I'm all wrong but who knows and I doubt anyone even cares. I needs go to sleep......

Well this day just keeps getting better and better. Nicholas is very tired and won't go to sleep, so my mom is tryin now to get him to sleep. When my A/C leaked all over my room I had all my clothes that needed to be washed in a bag. Well my mom thought it was trash and threw them away. I seriously have almost no clothes at all. I went from havin' like 50 shirts to like 4 or 5 and most of my pants yeah GONE. I'm so freakin upset it just sucks. It seems like things just keep getting harder and harder. I don't wanna do it alone anymore. I just need to get away.....

Well today so far fuckin' sucks. I got one hell of a headache and sum guy outside is using a chainsaw. I just can't get a break today it seems. It's just pissing me off too. I'm so tired. I look so god awful cause of it and I feel the same way. I have to go to court on the 11th cuz Stephen is a jerk off and won't pay child support. I bet the who Spraggs crew will show up being stupid like always. Well I'm cuttin' this short cuz I want some damn food. So peace. P.S. Kat I am so gonna kick your freakin' ass if you are LMAO!

OK People ya know what ya'll need to show some support to this website. http://www.debra.org/ No only does my son have this skin disorder but I also have it. Show some love to this group or stop being a cheap ass and by a EB braclet. They are only a few dollars and the money goes to research. Epidermolysis Bullosa effects the skin. Children with worse kinds then I myself have suffer from open wounds and blisters all the time. You can't even think how painful it really is. My son and I have Simplex Dowling Meara. Which is the worst subtype of Simplex. My son has open stops on his legs. When he was born there was no skin on his wrists, one elbow, knees, and ankles. With what he has it gets better as you get older. His spots are going away and his legs are far better then what they were at brith. For so smany children it never gets any better. I myself was worse. I was even traked at 3 days old till I was 3 months old. I do have a scar on my neck and you can see that I was traked. So Please go show some love and support. You have no idea what It means to children and adults with EB. One Day Without Crying, One Day With No Pain One Day Of No Suffering Those Blisters Again One Day With No Dressings, Needles, Or Creams One Day You'll Awaken With Laughter Not Screams One Day Not Fearing The Slightest Tumble And To Watch You Join In Your Friends Rough-And-Tumble One Day Of Not Feeling Great Surges Of Guilt For The Genes I Gave You, Imperfectly Built One Day Of Not Having To Turn A Blind Eye To The Ignorant Stares Os Some Passersby One Day, In The Future, A Potion They'll Issue To Toughen Your Skin That's As Storng As Wet Tissue One Day A Complexion Of Peaches And Cream Will Become A Reality, Not Just A Dream One Day Without Crying, One Day With No Pain One Day Of Not Suffering Those Blisters Again .....One Day That was writen by someone with EB....

STEPHEN IS THE BIGGEST ASS WIPE I HAVE EVER FUCKING MET!!!! GRRRR I am so pissed off It's not even funny. I am just so stressed. How he has the fucking nerve to tell me that he can just take Nicholas whenever he wants without asking me. He even said he'd take him from the fuckin' baby sitter. Over my dead fuckin' body will he. Oh and that once his dad hears that I said "Well if Nicholas wants to see your mom and dad when he's 18 then I guess they'll see him then but untill that no" that his dad will come to my house and take Nicholas. You are fuckin' right I said that. That abusive ass crackhead will not be around my son. I'll kick his old fuckin' ass. Well atleast in Dec. I'll be away from this shit for like a week. Im going to NY to see my Hezzy. YAY!!! Well I'm gonna put the baby to sleeps and then take a shower so yeah PEACE!